Barack Hussein Obama is probably not a socialistic Muslim terrorist. He’s probably not even a Muslim. But, if he is, indeed, a Muslim, then he’s a very lousy one at best because from what I have seen, it has been well documented that he’s a devout Christian and he goes to Church every Sunday, regardless of the fact that he likes to hang out with those evil Democrats.
Furthermore, Barack Obama is probably not a socialist, but, from a Christian standpoint, I don’t see why it would be such a bad thing if he is. I don’t know what Jesus Christ’s political outlook was, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he was a social fascist. If the fundamental principle of socialism is that everything must work for the common good (and since the driving force behind capitalism is self-improvement through ambition and greed), then I would suppose that Jesus would be a proponent of that philosophy. However, the current trend for Jesus fans right now is to vote for whichever policy is perceived as the least socialistic. Christians tend to be Republican because they feel that that party best represents their values. But, the truth is no one really knows what Jesus Christ’s values were. I don’t even know what my own values were ten years ago, so I would feel kind of arrogant to claim to know the morality of a homeless Jewish guy who was born around the year 0. We only believe we know what he stood for, and what we believe is usually whatever makes our lifestyle more convenient. The past is always rationalized by the present, and yesterday should never be interpreted in a wholly single perspective.
I don’t know how many Christian denominations there are, but the fact that so many exist suggests that no one in the history of the world has had any idea on what the hell Jesus Christ was talking about (that includes me and you). Christianity is like the song Yesterday by the Beatles. It was a song that was revolutionary in its melodies and chord progressions and it made you feel great every time you listened to it. And if Christianity is Yesterday, then the Catholic Church is The Beatles. Like the Catholic Church, The Beatles created it and made it all up. Yesterday (Christianity) belongs to The Beatles (Catholic Church) and it is only them who can capture its original essence.
But, Yesterday has become one of the most remade songs in pop music history. Each cover artist offered their rendition of the ballad, and each remake catered different sects of the musical fanbase. Bob Dylan’s version is like Protestantism because he’s revolutionary and rebellious. Ray Charles’ version is for the Charismatics and Pentacostals because they would rather believe than see. En Vogue’s version is like Gospel music. Heavy metal band Rage did a cover of the song, and they’re like Evangelicals because they’re fucking nuts. Leann Rimes was just a kid when she came out, so her version is like Youth Ministry. Frank Sinatra was married multiple times, so his version represents Mormon values. Just like Michael Bolton is a white guy who tries to sing like a black guy, his version is for the Jews for Jesus (it doesn’t make sense).
If you’ve ever heard a remake of Yesterday, then you probably thought that it kind of sucked, or, at the very best, was not quite as good as the original. Every Christian denomination tries to represent Jesus, and every sect believes they’re doing a good job, but it’s really just a cover. This is not to say that the Catholic Church best represents the “true Christianity” because they were the original Church. Even The Beatles can’t capture the original spirit of Yesterday, and that’s largely because half of them are old and the other half are dead. The essence of everything is always lost in time. Time hates humanity, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that 30 is the new 20.
That settles it. Jesus probably doesn't give a fuck that the Beatles are now available on iTunes.