Thursday, 18 March 2010
The Marshall Mathers LP
My work day typically looks something like this:
Get to work. Work hard for 40 minutes straight. Slow down and read internet news and sports sites for 10 minutes while listening (over the office’s sound system which is set to the local hit music station) to a new power ballad by a very popular pop artist (usually Kelly Clarkson). Work hard for 45 minutes straight. Slow down, update Facebook and the blog for 15 minutes while listening to the new power ballad (usually by Kelly Clarkson) again. Work hard for 50 minutes straight. Take a break, read internet news and sports sites for 15 minutes and begin to like the new power ballad (usually by Kelly Clarkson), which is playing again. Work hard for 50 minutes straight. Slow down, read my Facebook news feed, news and sports for 15 minutes, and use the restroom.
Go to lunch for one hour. Sing the new power ballad (usually by Kelly Clarkson) to myself while eating.
Return from lunch. Work hard for 50 minutes straight. Slow down, take 15 minutes to read comments from fans, stalkers, emo teenagers, and Jesus enthusiasts on the blog (and reject DearRicky’s friend request for the 48th time). Work hard for 50 minutes straight. Slow down, read internet news and sports for 15 minutes and begin to love the new power ballad (usually by Kelly Clarkson), which is playing again. Work hard for 40 minutes straight. Take a coffee break and read news and sports for 10 minutes and begin to HATE the new power ballad that the fucking radio station won’t stop playing. Work hard for 45 minutes. Prepare to leave work while listening to that fucking stupid power ballad that is inexplicably on heavy rotation on the local hit music station. Leave work and hate everything about that pop singer (usually Kelly Clarkson).
Reading that should have made one thing very evident about myself: I like to read internet news and sports. Being the case, I am probably more informed about what’s going on in current events and sports than the average Kelly Clarkson fan/hater. And sometimes I get confused and start to think that politics and sports are intertwined. Are they? How the hell should I know? I’m not Manny Pacquiao.
Lately, I’ve had my mind on something major that has been in the news, and it’s not the pending vote on health care reform. This is a legislation that Democrats are championing as the salvation of this country and Republicans are preaching to be a socialist takeover of our government. Now, I’m not here to talk about the good or bad aspects of socialism, thank you very much. I’ll leave that to the experts, like Carrie Prejean and Sean Penn. The thing that I’ve been thinking about lately is the other major legislation that went down earlier this month, which is the NFL’s decision to not have a salary cap for the 2010 football season.
For the past two decades the NFL has been America’s most successful sports league in terms of the number of fans it attracts and in the amount of money it makes. Why is that? In a nutshell, the television deals provide most of the money that comes through the NFL. The thirty-two franchises split this revenue equally, which they use to pay their players (within the salary cap), which creates parity between the teams, which makes games exciting to watch, which attracts fans to the games, which creates more and more money. It is this formula of salary caps, taxes, and socialistic revenue-sharing that has afforded the NFL so much success over the past two decades. The NFL has been the model for a successful American business.
Baseball, on the other hand, has no salary cap. Baseball is a capitalist’s dream. The teams can spend as much money as they want to hire the most talented players in the league. This is why the New York Yankees always have an astronomical payroll, are in the playoffs virtually every year, and have won more World Series championships (27) than next three most decorated franchises (St. Louis Cardinals 10, Oakland Athletics 9, and Boston Red Sox 7) combined. This is also why baseball is perceived as America's most boring sport and why no one watches it.
For some reason I have a feeling that I just talked about health care reform (or Kelly Clarkson).