Tuesday, 13 October 2009

• Currently Self 1 By The Mountain Brothers see related

  The Xanga Featured Blog

  Nine years ago I was at a club in West Hollywood and bumped into a kid on my way to the bar.  The fact that there was a teenager at a 21 and older club prompted me to say, “What in the name of Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs is going on here?”  It didn’t take me long to realize that this kid was Lil’ Wayne of the Cash Money Millionaires.  He and his rapper friends were “making it rain,” drinking expensive bottles of alcohol, and generally having an all-around fantastic time.  Seeing Lil’ Wayne was kind of thrilling because he was a rising pop star at the time (1999), but seeing him was also kind of deflating.  For one thing, I was a broke, 22-year old college graduate, and he was a 17-year old self-made millionaire.  Also, he had probably slept with more women by the time he was seventeen years old than I ever will in two lifetimes.  I’m the type who, apparently, gauges my social value on money and sexual encounters.  I have no redeeming qualities.

  In 1999 Lil’ Wayne was enormously popular on no merit of his own.  He (along with Cash Money Records producer Mannie Fresh) was “featured” on Juvenile’s monstrously huge hit song “Back That Azz Up.”  And by “featured,” I mean he was given twenty seconds at the end of the song to say whatever he wanted to.  In what could arguably be the most unintelligible “verse” in the history of rap, little Lil’ Wayne spewed something that went like, “And after you back it up then stop, then what? What? What? What?  Drop it like it’s hot.”  And then he started saying something nonsensical that kind of sounded like Pac-Man chomping his way through a maze.  By all accounts, “Back That Azz Up (featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil’ Wayne)” by Juvenile was the song that launched Lil’ Wayne’s music career into the stratosphere.

  Just to be clear: Lil’ Wayne is not a good rapper.  He can barely even talk coherently much less recite complex verses in any distinguishable rhyme scheme.  This isn’t to say that I don’t like Lil’ Wayne.  I think he’s a fantastic entertainer who is successful at what he does.  I mean, I can’t begrudge the guy who popularized the phrase, “Drop it like it’s hot.”  But, when Cash Money Records was promoting him in the late 1990s, they didn’t record his songs and put out a solo album right away for the simple reason that he sucks as a rapper.  So, they paired him up with someone who was a slightly better rapper (Juvenile) and “featured” him on his upcoming single.  Record companies figured out that this was a good business strategy for promoting new artists, so they started “featuring” artists like crazy in the 1990s.  (This even led to the creation of the “Best Collaboration” award at the Grammys.)  Some of the more popular collaborations were:

  “Fantasy (featuring Ol’ Dirty Bastard)” by Mariah Carey

  “Only You (featuring Mase and the Notorious B.I.G.)” by 112

  “Ain’t No Nigga (featuring Foxy Brown)” by Jay-Z

  “Faded Pictures (featuring Joe)” by Case

  “The Game of Love (featuring Michelle Branch)” by Santana 
  

  
  

  The recording industry is a business, and record companies promote their artists in any way that will produce a profit.  If “featuring” a new artist on another artist’s song will move units, then a record company should do that.  It doesn’t matter if the artist has talent or not because being “featured” on a song means that you’re good by association.  That doesn’t necessarily make it right or wrong.  It’s just the American way.  Lil’ Wayne isn’t famous for being a phenomenal rapper; he’s famous because he was featured on a record.  He’s a celebrity because he sells records, and that’s why he gets to party and sleep with women who are otherwise out of his league.

  But what the hell do I know?  I’m not a rapper, socialite, or celebrity.  I’m a blogger, and I know that I will likely never get laid for anything that I’ve written.  Women usually don’t find transcendent blog posts about pop culture to be sexually appealing.  I know the limits of my existence.  But as someone who is a part of the Xanga weblog community, I’m aware that Xanga has its share of celebrities.  Just like record companies feature artists that sell the most units, Xanga should feature those bloggers who generate the most traffic.  Xanga.com is a business, and the goal of every business is to create revenue.  If a post by Cakalusa gets 100 comments in less than sixty minutes, it would probably be a good decision by Xanga to feature it on the front page.   This might upset you, particularly if you think your content is better than anything by Cakalusa, but your feelings really have no bearing on Xanga as a business.  Xanga isn’t here to feed your ego.  Xanga exists to make money, and there's nothing wrong with that.
  

  I often hear people gripe about the featured content on the front page or the “Top Blogs” section of Xanga, and I often find these arguments to be mindless.  These people fail to realize that being a “featured” blogger doesn’t necessarily make someone a “good writer.”  It just means that they’re really popular.  Like Lil’ Wayne, Britney Spears is an international superstar and has millions of fans worldwide.  She is never out of the public eye and has reporters and photographers chronicling her every move.  And while I like Britney Spears and think she’s absolutely phenomenal, I’m fully conscious to the fact that her singing voice is akin to the sound of nails scratching a chalk board.  I don’t consider her a legitimate singer/songwriter like I do KT Tunstall, but I still enjoy her product.  Britney Spears is like a “Top Blog;” she’s not really good at what she does yet she’s wholly great at the same time.  Everything that Britney Spears does is a hit.  If she breaks a fingernail, then TMZ will be all over that story like white on rice.  By that same token, if TheTheologiansCafe posts an asinine one question blog entry, then Xangans will be in there like swimwear.  This is why girls like trunthepaige can post unambitious entries about absolutely nothing relevant and still have 50 paparazzi comments in less than ninety minutes.  The record industry needs cookie-cutter pop idols like Britney just like Xanga needs clones like Paul_Partisan.  There is nothing wrong with clowns like vanedave, no matter how much you want to despise him.  Just like record companies push artists that sell the most albums, Xanga should push bloggers who keep the site busy.  In the world of business, talent is overrated.  There is nothing wrong with Xanga.com’s choices for featured weblogs, featured content, or Top Blogs, regardless of what your morality is.

  My blog is generally not the kind of stuff that Xanga normally features because (1) I write too many words and (2) I keep my clothes on.  Because I don’t intend to change any of this in the near future I will likely never be a popular Xanga blogger.  Despite the fact that I’ve been featured on the front page eight times, I’ve never been able to hold on to the audience that found my page during those occasions.  The reason for that is that those eight featured posts aren’t representative at all of my blog or general writing style.  In fact, those eight featured posts were some of the worst drivel I’ve ever written.  Maybe that’s how Jimmy Eat World felt about “The Middle,” or how Hoobastank felt about “The Reason.”  We might have happy blockbuster hits sometimes, but at the end of the day we’re still emo and grunge and no one wants to listen to us. 
  

  I’ll probably never be in the same club as Lil’ Wayne, even though we're both old enough to be.

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