Monday, 31 March 2008
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Currently Listening
Way Back Home: Live From New York City
By The Wreckers
see relatedFeminism
Someone once said that I have the musical taste of a gay person. This may or may not be true. I don’t know anything about the musical preferences of the gay community. Right now I have Ingrid Michaelson, Liz Phair, Feist, and Paramore on heavy rotation on Last.fm. Do gay people listen to these artists? Probably. I don’t know if this person was trying to imply something about my sexual preferences based on my musical tastes. But, if there is some universal “taste” in music that applies to all homosexuals, and if my taste in music is similar to this, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m gay. It just means that gay people have exquisite taste in music. And so what if I’m wearing a bright pink dress shirt right now? What the hell do I know? I only have two out of three photoreceptors (meaning I’m colorblind). I thought it was a manly brown color when I bought it from Nordstrom.
For the record, I am not one of the gays. I like to date women. And after I date them, I like to take them back home and sleep with them. I love women. Most of my best friendships are with women, and most of the intelligent discourse I’ve ever engaged in have been with women. I think women are fantastic! And it sickens me to know that sexism still exists in 21st century. I’m a progressively thinking kind of guy. I don’t believe in dragging my woman around by her hair and I don’t believe that a woman’s place is in the home. I’m sure most modern people would share that sentiment. Women are people, too, and they should be treated just as men are treated. Traditional gender roles are fundamentally sexist, and sexism is fundamentally immoral and wrong. While it’s true that men have committed various moral crimes against women throughout history, sexism today isn’t perpetuated by men inasmuch as it is by ignorant dumb bitches.
What is an ignorant, dumb bitch? An IDB is fairly easy to spot. She might have a successful career; she might be self-sufficient. She might even be proud of herself and tout her independence, but the difference between an IDB and a real modern woman is that an IDB is always complaining about her life. She is usually single and unattached because she claims that there isn’t a good enough guy out there for her. She is under some delusion that “nice guys” are hard to find because she has an unfounded belief that most men are douchebags. She will never pay for a date, and she is quickly turned off when a man does not open the car door for her. Despite her long history of unsuccessful relationships, she still longs to one day receive an engagement ring from Prince Charming, and that ring should be worth at least three months of his hard-earned salary. An IDB masquerades as someone who believes in equality (as she likes to flaunt being a “career woman”), but when it comes down to it she believes in traditional gender roles, whether she is aware of it or not. An IDB is constantly complaining that chivalry is dead. However, an IDB doesn’t realize that the concept of chivalry is sexist in and of itself. If a man is supposed to be courteous and provide and protect, then is a woman supposed to stay home and cook dinner and shut up? That may have been true 400 years ago, but I don’t want to live in those times anymore. Those days were kind of sexist. An IDB is a woman whose mentality sets women back at least 100 years. She is the antithesis of the feminist movement.
As a feminist, I just want things to be equal. If you’re a woman, don’t expect your date to pick up the tab or hold the elevator door open for you. There’s nothing wrong with going Dutch (is that racist?) and you can push the damn elevator button yourself. If you’re a woman, don’t expect your boyfriend to blow three months of his salary on an engagement ring. And if he does, give it back to him and put that money in bonds for your children’s future. Trust me, he would be touched and it would be the ultimate expression of love for him. And if you’re a woman, don’t complain about chivalry being dead. Here’s a little secret: most men ARE nice guys because, really, it’s not that hard to NOT be an asshole. If a man acts like a gentleman around you, it’s because he wants to and not because you deserve it. And if you’re a woman who just got pissed off by reading this article, then you’re a sexist pig. Stop perpetuating sexism by expecting things you feel entitled to. I’ll be chivalrous to you if you fold my socks, if that makes you happy.
I love WOMEN. I swear.
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Comments (20)
Yeah, people laugh at me when I listen to Ace of Base. "Don't turn around!"
I gotta disagree that IDBs are the majority cause perpetuating sexism. Although you've described them well, I'd still say that sexism is perpetuated most by hypermasculine, ignorant, dumb guys (HIDGs?) who get taught by their fathers and peers that the only use for women is housework, sex, and taking care of babies. Simply getting brought up in a family where the mother is the one cooking and doing laundry is going to have a profound impact on what you expect of your own wife.
Plus, a lot of men's magazines, from Sports Illustrated to Penthouse), perpetuate the most important value of women as being sex objects. There's a reason that those mags feature mostly pictures of the "featured" woman being scantily clad. If they were truly interested about the woman's career as an aspiring actress or anything other than her body, then they might instead be trying to show photos of her on the set of a major movie or maybe in a business suit.
Haha..well... if your musical tastes mean you're gay, then clearly my boyfriend is gay also. Hahahahahaha *laughter awkwardly tapers off into uncomfortable silence*
And man... I totally agree. I did post, a while back, about chivalry being dead... but I advocate that it should go both ways. People just need to be more courteous to each other in general, and I'm the first to suggest going DUtch. In fact, I often get into arguments with SO's over this, heh.
Equality, myes.
good point! only i'm not a feminist and i don't believe that men and women are equal. i mean they are equal as humans, but i like chivalry, and i put my man on a pedestal and prefer to support and be lead. but if you are a feminist, go all the way and don't embarrass yourself by being a "fair-weather feminist".
maybe this is what it means to be "traditional" though i don't even know what that word means anymore. i don't think chivalry is dead at all (my bf is proof of that) but i also don't expect him to open car doors and push elevator buttons for me LOL or even pick up the tab because i do those things too.
anyway, music tastes are a poor indicator of someone's sexual orientation LOL.
music=sexual orientation? what do i know, i'm just a music snob. I'm so over it. :P
This is a fantastic entry. BTW, we all know you really like pink shirts. Don't blame your disability.
boy, you're not gay; you're a flaming metro.
interesting post, btw. can't wait for your piece on filipinas.
You love women? Is this an April Fool's joke?
I like pink shirts but avoid wearing them for fear of being judged.
I agree with poosywhistle... I think the problem is HIDG's, and you've got it backwards. Most men like to believe that they are feminists, but when it really comes down to it, it's usually just politically correct talk. It's a facade, in other words. Study after study shows that even in "progressive" and "equal" marriages where both spouses work and the man is a "feminist," a man still does only about 30% of the housework and childrearing, et al, on average. So the idea that "most" men believe in equality doesn't really hold water. I'll believe it when (a) men start doing their share, and (b) men stop objectifying women and considering them sexual playthings. I know this post is all tongue-in-cheek, like most of this site, but I gotta say, it's not true! Basically, it all amounts to women *still* getting treated like housekeepers and sex objects, and men now refusing to be even courteous about it in the name of "equality." That doesn't exactly qualify as feminism in my book!
But I like pink shirts on a man. :)
@poosywhistle - IDBs are just as guilty as HIDGs. It's true that sexism is perpetuated by the media, especially with men's magazines just like you said. However, I don't know who the editors of those magazines are, and it's very possible that they could be IDBs. As far as the scantily clad women who grace the covers of those magazines... No one is holding a gun to their heads and demanding them to exploit themselves.
The blame has to go both ways.
@espoir -
I never meant to imply that IDBs are more guilty than men for perpetuating sexism. I know that most men are probably subconsciously sexist and don't believe in equality. However, I can't speak for them. This post was just about how I personally feel. I think that everything should be equal, and I think that women need to start thinking what "equality" means.
While I think that most men are subconsciously sexist, I also believe that most women are subconsciously sexist as well.
you clearly took personal offense to something that should not have personally offended.
@asquint - Haha. No no no! I wasn't offended at all!
I paid for lunch and dinner on Sunday. It seemed only fair; Kevin drove me to San Francisco because he knows I hate driving in the city. So...one gender stereotype avoided, one succumbed to. I'd call it about even.
@manilajones - I don't think it really matters who the editors of those magazines are. The magazines are owned by companies, who are profit-driven, so editors simply become whatever the shareholders want them to be. I suppose you could say that it's the shareholders that are the instigators, in which case, it doesn't really matter the gender of the shareholders - it's their ROLE that perpetuates sexism. I do agree that the women on the covers do need to share in the blame, but I don't think they're as MUCH to blame as the companies. One IDB can make a greedy, sexist choice, but it's the magazines who multiply that choice millions of times, and provide more opportunities for IDBs to pose that way.
@poosywhistle -
I think the IDBs should share just AS MUCH blame as the shareholders of the companies. If not, the IDBs should be blamed MORE. In the model that you presented, the IDB seems to be the one with all of the power, as the shareholders and their companies are nothing without an ignorant dumb bitch consciously deciding to exploit herself. The magazines can't multiply a bad choice millions of times without an IDB making an initial choice to begin with.
It might be deplorable that the shareholders are making money at the expense of others, but it's downright disgusting that IDBs make money at the expense of exploiting themselves. If IDBs weren't so stupid, they could put these magazines out of business if they really wanted to.
@manilajones - it would be one thing if there were only a few IGBs (maybe not dumb, but just greedy) in the world, and that the companies would be held hostage if 20 women were to suddenly decide not to exploit themselves. Unfortunately, there are enough people that value money over all else that the companies will always be able to find someone.
However, I do think there's an important order of events here. The cycle starts with a sexist demand. These companies spring up to supply/exploit that demand (which immediately perpetuates more demand, and their marketing departments are assigned to figuring out ways of creating even more demand). In order to meet that demand, THEY create a new mini-demand for an IGB, and there's a miniature cycle that happens there. THAT sexist transaction is miniscule in comparison to the most basic cycle here - companies meeting sexist demand and trying to create more of it so they can profit more.
I don't disagree that there are women that also perpetuate sexism in what they do - some take advantage of it and some profit off of it. I just don't think that they carry the most blame.
feelings can never be equal between two people. it ebbs and flows. I certainly don't go around folding men's clothes but when I'm in love I just want to take care of a man. do little things to let him know that I care. someone that I can be gentle with and spoil because life is harsh enough as it is. when I think about all the women that are victims of sexual and domestic violence it tears at my heart. but then I think of the men that love the women in their family and extend that chivalry to the women that they date and it melts my heart.
when faced with the existing racism and sexism in our culture, I think it's important to realize our role in the cycle but it's also important to allow others to love as they see fit. For example, I think it's sexist that a man would only date members of the opposite sex that are >8 on the scale of hotness. I don't make a fuss about how that person is perpetuating sexism. how even men with no redeeming qualities would never offer a woman a place of love and honor unless the woman were physically attractive enough. I just allow others to love as they see fit.