Tuesday, 31 October 2006

• Currently Listening The Best of Sophie B. Hawkins By Sophie B. Hawkins see related

  CANDY CORN

  First, some nonsense:

  Fuck daylight savings time! I love the long nights of fall and winter. I love getting off work and seeing everything all dark! It’s all so peaceful! Weeeee!!! 

  And now, the 5 best Halloween costumes of all time! Halloween isn’t Halloween until at least 2 of the following show up at your door:

  5. Bed sheet ghost: This is perhaps the most classic Halloween costume. There’s nothing like an ol’ white bed sheet with two eye holes cut out of it! This is usually a short, 4-year-old white boy walking around with his parents and carrying a plastic pumpkin Halloween basket. Although he’s a ghost, he’s more cute than he is scary. He wouldn’t be scary until 20 years later when he would don the white sheet again as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

  4. Toilet-paper mummy: If this guy stumbles onto your porch on Halloween then get ready for a good time! He’s usually a drunk student from the local college… or a child molester. Nevertheless, wrapping yourself up in toilet paper and calling yourself a mummy is awesome. Give him a drink!

  3. Black kid basketball player: What more needs to be said? This is usually the neighborhood 5’10” 10-year-old black kid wearing a Lakers Kobe Bryant jersey with the matching basketball shorts. He usually is unaware that it is Halloween, but decides to join in the trick-or-treat mayhem that he sees when he’s walking home from the park. The outfit is incomplete if he’s not carrying the required Indoor/Outdoor Spalding basketball.

  2. Ski masked hoodlum: This wins the award for “Laziest Costume Ever”. This kid is usually the 14-year-old high school freshman who’s still trying to hang on to his youth and just wants to snatch up some candy. So he dons his ski mask and walks around the neighborhood thinking he has a sufficient enough costume to go trick-or-treating. He tricks-or-treats efficiently like a well-seasoned veteran, and knows which houses have the full-sized candy bars and which houses have the wax-wrapped mystery candies.

  1. Brown paper bag mask: Halloween wouldn’t be Halloween without the kid with the brown paper bag over his head. This is usually the class clown of the 2^nd grade, or the “cool” guy. He’s so cool he doesn’t have to wear a costume. He just cuts eye holes in his brown bag, puts it on his head, and he’s ready to roll. He just wants his fucking candy. And he doesn’t carry one of those silly plastic pumpkins. He keeps his candy in a pillowcase. That’s gangsta!

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